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Why You’re Not Getting What You Want

One Reason Why You’re Not Getting What You Want

If you feel frustrated, irritated, angry and left out it might be because…you have not yet decided what you want. Yes, I know that sounds crazy. But how’s this for crazy?

“I shouldn’t have to tell people what I want. If they loved me, they would just know. And they would just do it. It’s up to _____ to make me feel better, but I shouldn’t have to tell them how. If they don’t figure it out, it means they don’t get me, and they don’t know who I am, and they don’t love me.”

Hmmm….that doesn’t just sound crazy. If you are having “communication problems”, ask yourself if this isn’t part of the problem. Do you know what you want? You can’t get what you want until you know what it is. Perhaps you need some time to listen to yourself and honor what it is that you want.  If you are feeling crabby, you might be tired, hungry, or lonely. Sometimes when we are lonely, we are lonely for ourselves. We need to pay attention to ourselves and listen closely for what we need. We are all here to take care of others, but also, to take care of ourselves.

Here are some strategies for listening to yourself:

Write in a journal every day.
Record whatever comes into your mind. It’s ok if it’s messy. It’s ok if you basically rant and say awful things. You are letting it all out in a safe way. Be sure, though, that you have privacy. If you are in a household that has questionable privacy, go ahead and write, and then tear it up. You’re not writing the next great American novel. You’re just taking time to listen to yourself.

Take yourself out on a date once a week.
Yup, just have a date with yourself. Go somewhere special. Spend at least one hour doing something enjoyable, for example, you could take a walk, go to a museum, a fabric store, or even a movie. (These two ideas come from Julia Cameron’s Artist’s Way.)

Fill in the sentence,
“If I let myself admit it I would really like _______, or really want _________.”  Do that about ten times.

Before you say you don’t have time to do any of that, may I ask a question?  Do you have time to fight? Do you have time to feel frustrated and angry?    Start getting to know yourself in a mindful, respectful way. Find out what you want, and honor that.