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Wrong Belief # 8: People Never Change

People Never Change

This wrong belief has put an end to marriages just on the brink of healing. The fact is, people do change. Here is a typical scenario of what happens:

A wife has been telling her husband for years that she would like him to … (fill in the blank). He continues on, and seems to ignore her requests and possibly not even hear them. Finally, she files for divorce and he says, “I’ll change! I’ll do anything to keep you!” But she is tired and thinks it’s too late. The damage has been done. He won’t change. If he was going to change, he would have done it before now. Very often, however, he does change. Unfortunately for wives everywhere, men do not often respond to talking. They respond to action. So, when she files for divorce, he pays attention because it is an action. There are other actions that can be taken that are less drastic, and once she understands that action is a much more effective method of communication, a huge stressor has become a huge blessing!

So often, wrong beliefs cause so much trouble for people! And this trouble could be solved by changing a belief – not by changing external circumstances. Once that belief is in operation, circumstances change like magic. In the example above, I would also like to point out that using action to communicate with your husband is not “manipulative”. Part of communication is helping the message be received and understood by the person with whom you are communicating. It’s not manipulative – it’s just effective.

People do change. However, they rarely change just because you want them to.

They change when there is a reason to change. We all do. We do this all throughout our lives. We don’t stop changing when we reach a certain age. It may take some time for the change to become our new normal. This is part of the process. Because a change is not instant and complete does not mean that the person is not changing! Change is a decision, and it is also a process. So, please change your wrong belief! People do change. You can change, and he can change. We can all change. Have you changed since you were 24 years old? I’ll bet you have.

I am not trying to say there is never any reason to get divorced, or that it is the “fault” of the communicator if the marriage ends! By no means! Sometimes divorce is necessary. Just like sometimes surgery is necessary. But it pays to avoid unnecessary divorce and heartache just like it pays to avoid unnecessary surgery.