The belief that we deserve to have mind blowing sex every time we couple causes so much pain and anguish I have to weigh in on this topic.
Let me state up front I am not a sex therapist. However, I have counseled lots of couples over the years, and I have seen how sex can be a source of excruciating frustration, sadness, pain, and rejection. It is not my intention to say anything hurtful, but I do wish to deal frankly with this issue, and so I ask your forgiveness ahead of time.
Sex is a powerful thing and always has been, but it’s subject to all kinds of other things in life. There are many reasons why a person may not want to have sex. Hormones change after a woman has had a baby. Medications can have a powerful effect on both the male and female libido. People get sick. They get depressed. They get tired. They get busy, and the list goes on.
The fact of the matter is, if you put two people in the same room, they will have different sex drives. One person is going to want to have sex more than the other person.
Even if you have a couple who is lucky enough to have “mind-blowing” sex, it may only last for the first four years of their relationship if they are lucky. After that, they will have to deal with the ebb and flow of sex. In our culture, we do not deal well with the ebb.
If sex has become routine, we get upset about that too and believe it is always supposed to be absolutely wonderful each and every time. It’s not. Sometimes you have prime rib for dinner and sometimes you have a cheese sandwich. You can enjoy both for what they are.
We have become so perfectionistic about sex we can hardly just let it be anymore.
Your spouse may not be withholding sex from you! They may love you with every fiber of their being and still not be all that interested in sex. There could be any number of reasons for this – childhood trauma, health conditions, or just a low libido.
Sex is not just for pleasure, procreation, or even connection, although all of these are important.
Sometimes sex is an opportunity to sacrifice.
If you are the person who wants more sex than your partner, you will have many opportunities to sacrifice this very important desire. If you are the person who does not want sex as much as your partner, you will have opportunities to sacrifice by having sex even when you don’t want to.
There are lots of people in the world who have NEVER had mind-blowing sex. If that has happened to you even once, you are lucky! No one deserves to have mind-blowing sex. This wrong belief causes divorce, objectification of others, a terrible feeling of rejection and abandonment, a terrible feeling of being dehumanized, and fuels human trafficking and the porn industry!
We have all been wounded by this wrong belief. Let us be grateful for the gift of our lives and all that we have been given. No one owes us anything.