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Do You Have Trouble Saying No?

Personal boundaries are necessary. If you feel that people “walk all over you”, or if you wonder if you are a “doormat”, think about your own boundaries. First consider what they are. You may not know! And then think about this: Once you know what your boundaries are, if you do not let other people know, you are not being honest with them.

You may be waiting for them to figure out what your boundaries are, and then, when they don’t, you get upset. This is not fair to other people. You are making it their job to know and respect your boundaries. It isn’t their job – it’s your job. It’s your job to know and it’s your job to communicate them to other people. As long as you don’t say no (and mean it!), people will just assume you don’t mind taking care of the stuff they ask you to do! So, if you have been concerned that having and protecting your boundaries is in some way not nice, the opposite is true! By not being clear about your own boundaries, you are not being honest with others. And by becoming angry when others don’t figure out what you want, you are not being fair.

Perhaps as a child you were trained not to have boundaries, so it may take some practice to change now that you are an adult. And you may be disconnected from your boundaries. If this is the case, consider making an appointment with me to safely work on this issue. Once you understand what your personal boundaries are, there are many strategies to communicate them to other people in kind and appropriate ways that will not expose you to unnecessary conflict. You may be surprised how easy it is!