Relationships, while beautiful, are also complex and challenging. Notice this list does include infidelity, money, in-laws, or children. While troublesome, those issues areas usually mask deeper underlying problems including these 10 common problems:
- Communication:
Misunderstandings, unspoken feelings, and ineffective communication can create significant strain. So many places this can go wrong. [Sigh] - Overwhelming Schedules:
Relationships need time and energy! You’re not doing yourself or your family any favors by keeping such a fast pace – even if everyone else is doing it. Slow down. An over-scheduled calendar leaves little time for quality connection and shared experiences. - Unrealistic Expectations:
Sometimes I wonder if all expectations are unrealistic? Although we have to have some expectations or we wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning, setting unrealistic standards for your partner, the relationship, and especially for a blended family will likely lead to disappointment and resentment. - Division of Labor:
I’m not sure why we decided running a household is not supposed to take very much time. Perhaps this should go under number 3. And number 2. Running a household takes time and energy — and planning. Disagreements about household chores and responsibilities can contribute to tension. - Lack of Affection:
Insufficient physical or emotional intimacy can erode closeness and satisfaction. There are some people who don’t like physical affection, but they generally do not marry each other, which would make things easier. Oops, I am having a problem with number 3 again. Sorry! - Thinking your mate will meet all your needs without having to ask:
Actually, even if you do ask, (s)he will probably not be able to meet all your needs. Sometimes, it seems as if none of your needs are being met. Assuming your partner knows your needs without expressing them can lead to frustration and disappointment. - Unresolved Personal Issues:
In other words, not dealing with your own issues and expecting the marriage to solve what you need to solve yourself. Instead getting married (or remarried) usually means you now have your problems and someone else’s problems too. The bottom line is bringing unresolved personal baggage into a relationship can create challenges and hinder connection. - Falling out of Love:
Frankly, this happens to every relationship. It means it’s time for a different kind of love to start growing. While it can be painful in the beginning it’s natural for relationships to evolve over time. It’s essential you adapt and embrace the changing dynamics. - Sexual Intimacy Issues:
Or full on lack of sexual awareness. Sex is a psychic carrier in our culture – laden with lots of “stuff” we have trouble dealing with. It is hard to grow to adulthood without some sort of wounding in this area. Often, we don’t even know we have a problem until we get married. Difficulties with sexual intimacy can stem from various factors, including physical, emotional, or psychological issues. - Not Giving Enough Time or Energy to the Relationship:
In our culture this is a biggie: not investing enough time or energy into the relationship. Most of us are stretched pretty thin, and we are often driven by the hope of external rewards. We may think “we have found our mate”, so we’re “done” in a way. Marriages are like plants – they require a certain amount of tending and nurturing.
I do not mean to depress or burden anyone with this list! I hope you will see that you are not alone – that other people struggle as you do, and that many of these problems are extremely common. That doesn’t mean there is no hope for relief! Even if you are deeply mired in one or more of these relationship problems, there is usually a way to resolve issues and start enjoying life again. Don’t give up – get help. There is help all around you, and I am personally pulling for you.