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Are you extremely frustrated, and even in despair because things don’t ever seem to change? You have tried everything, and it just seems like whatever you do or say just doesn’t matter. You feel hopeless. Your partner will never love you. You will always be overweight, in debt, and unloved. Your house will always be a mess. I am not going to give you any specific strategies for what seems like an immovable fact of your life. Stay with me.

The number one obstacle for most people is not the huge problem they are facing – it’s that they can’t imagine that things can be different. I am not making your problems “your fault”. Neither am I saying “It’s all in your head.” We live in a material world. Let me give you an example: We see a dilapidated old house with a family of possums living in it, holes in the ceiling, etc. It may be hard to imagine that that same house could be a beautiful, comfortable home we would love to live in. There is too much evidence to the contrary. But by now most of us have seen enough renovation shows to know that it is very possible to turn a nightmare house into a dream house. You don’t need to know how to change things to imagine they could be different. You don’t need to know how to have the relationship you want. Just imagine that things could be different. And then your efforts will magically start to have the desired effect. Then you will have no trouble learning what you need to know. You will need to cultivate patience. In the house example, the contractor knows that mess is part of the renovation. But it’s not permanent. It’s just part of the process. When you cook something, you don’t get upset when things don’t look like they will when the dish is complete. You know that’s part of the process. You know it’s normal. It takes a certain amount of time. I feel that way when I work with clients. I have seen people drastically change their relationships — and their lives.  Imagine that things can be different. Because they can be.