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There’s A Good Reason I Can’t Trust Him!

TrustThis post is especially for young women who are having difficulty trusting their husband or boyfriend. You are probably in your twenties or thirties. At this time in your life, you may be trying to find your mate, or to protect your family. Even if you are just dating and not thinking of having children, part of you is sizing up this man and wondering if he will be a good husband and father, and if he will stick around when things get difficult. I often hear from young women that they feel they need to be independent, which means financially independent. Well, that’s a pretty tall order when you are young! Also, the truth is that if you have children, you are more dependent, and that is scary and unacceptable in our culture. You may not be able to trust him because you feel uncomfortable entering into a dependent relationship. Even if you decide not to have children, if you are still in your childbearing years, that wariness is there.

So, the good news is… you are not crazy! You have a reason to feel insecure!
However, instead of having a panic attack every time he fails to reassure you, or instead of acting on the impulse to break up with him if he says hello to a pretty woman, take a breath and calm down. Yes, this is a difficult time in your life to navigate through, but he is not the only one with some leverage here. We tend to value people in our culture based on their financial productivity, but there are other things that are highly valuable, even if they are not openly discussed. You may have been (possibly unconsciously) comparing yourself to him and feeling one down. Take the time to consider what you have to offer him. It will let you know that there is more to life than financial independence. It used to be that a woman’s father protected his daughter until he handed her over to her husband to look after her. He protected her because she was valuable! And sought after! Think about what you have to offer that he can’t find anywhere else in the world. Respect and take care of yourself. Understand that even though you are young, you are a grown up, and then decide to make a good life for yourself…and your family. It may be that you have been having trouble trusting him because you think he has all the power in the relationship. Not so. You are very important also, and stronger than you think…maybe even strong enough to allow yourself to learn to trust.