Why It’s Not the Agreement—It’s the Way You Do It
Let’s talk about pre-nuptial agreements. Not whether they’re good or bad—because frankly, they can be either—but how they’re usually done. And spoiler alert: they’re usually done wrong.
Here’s the most common scenario: One person (usually the one with more money, more fear, or both) wants a prenup. They have their attorney draw it up. The other person is informed, not invited, to sign it. And instead of being an open, thoughtful discussion months in advance, it’s presented a week before the wedding—or worse, the day of.
When you approach a prenup like that—secretly, hastily, and one-sidedly—you’re not setting up legal protection. You’re planting distrust. You’re sending a very clear message: “This marriage may not work, and by the way, I’ve already decided how that’s going to go. You don’t get a say.”
Now let me be clear: Pre-nups aren’t the villain. In fact, they can be extremely helpful under the right circumstances. For example, if one or both people have children from a previous marriage, own a business, or are entering with significantly different assets—it makes sense to talk about how things would be handled if the marriage didn’t work out. A good pre-nup is honest, practical, and protects both parties.
But a good pre-nup starts with a good conversation. And those conversations need to happen well in advance—before the florist is booked and the dress is hemmed. Both people need time to reflect, ask questions, and yes, hire their own attorney. Not their cousin’s buddy. Not their fiancé’s high-priced pitbull in a suit. Someone who represents them.
This isn’t just a legal document. It’s an emotional one. It reflects how you’re approaching the marriage. With openness? With maturity? With a willingness to talk through hard things? Or with secrecy, pressure, and fear?
Bottom line: It’s not the prenup that’s the problem. It’s how people go about it.
Do it wrong, and you might be signing divorce papers instead of legal protection.
Do it right, and it can be one more way you’re building trust—by planning for all of life’s possibilities, together.
