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The Holidays Are Over And You Are Still Married

For those of you who are still married after the holidays, congratulations! 

For those of you who are still married after the holidays, congratulations! 

(Often, husbands are shocked when wives file for divorce just after the holidays, but that’s a different post.)

Today’s post is going to address the “moving target” aspect of relationships, something that is particularly annoying to males in general and INTJs* in particular.

That being said, it’s a problem for all of us. For example, you tell your spouse you love them, then they want to hear it again! How many times do you have to do the same thing over and over? It starts to feel pointless. At this point, the spouse can tell you don’t “want” to do whatever it is (s)he wants you to do, and then even if you do it, you’re still in trouble. What if you don’t “want” to do the dishes, or spend more time with your two-year-old, or whatever? You feel like no matter what you do, it will never be enough.

The answer is loving beyond your means; it will change your relationships, including the one you have with yourself.

It’s a very effective strategy that is about paying attention to the other person and going out of your way to meet that person’s needs, whether they express them to you or not.

Think of your spouse as a beloved and spoiled cat, who is unable to request things, but whom you look after with love and joy. You make little blankie nests for her to snuggle up in. You tell her she’s the most boootiful kitty in the whole wide world. You know you’re doing it right when other people observe your dotty behavior with a faint look of disgust, or when they roll your eyes. It doesn’t even bother you when your cat puts her ears back and lets you know she is not enjoying this. You think she’s adorable no matter what. You don’t take it personally.

Take that same love and attention and apply it to your spouse!

You don’t have to wait until (s)he “deserves” it. Go big! If you do, you’re going to nail that moving target once and for all, and the added benefit is you won’t gain weight on too much love.

* INTJ, aka “the Architect”, is a personality type characterized by these traits: introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging. Architects aren’t known for being warm and fuzzy. They tend to prioritize rationality and success over politeness and pleasantries. As a result, they may inadvertently come across as rude or even offensive when they’re only trying to be honest.