Some people are just in agony because their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend has an ex somewhere in their past.
The general fear is that at any moment this past relationship will flare up again, and you’ll be out of the picture. Let me just point out some things you may not have thought of….First of all the relationship is in the PAST. That means it’s over. It all happened and then it unhappened, sometimes before your spouse or significant other even knew you existed. It’s not like your spouse had an affair while (s)he was married to you. Your spouse had a relationship BEFORE you came on the scene. Therefore, (s)he was not “unfaithful” to you, because YOU WEREN’T THERE to be unfaithful to!
Ahem. Let me take a breath.
Secondly, most people over the age of 18 have some sort of romantic relationship(s). It’s how humans grow and develop – in relationship with each other. Within this romantic relationship, your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend probably learned some valuable things which now YOU HAVE THE BENEFIT OF! Do you really want a 38 year old husband who has absolutely no knowledge of women whatsoever? I didn’t think so. And men, give your wife a break. She chose YOU – not the other guy. Feel good about that, why doncha?
Lastly, it is just unreasonable and perfectionistic to demand that all past relationships be atoned for, and purged out, etc. etc. They happened. In the case of relationships, being LAST is better than being FIRST. People grow and change. They don’t start out making perfect decisions.
Thank you for listening. I feel much better now.
The important thing to take from this is to base your security and trust in each other on what happens from here on out, not on what happened in the past. You can set boundaries; you can build trust; you can cherish each other for the special and unique people you both are. No one needs to get in the way of that happening.