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Do you ever say things like:

  • If I don’t yell, he doesn’t listen.
  • He should already know that makes me mad – I’ve told him 100 times!
  • Why should I say “thank you”? He lives here too. He never does what he’s supposed to do anyway. That b——.
  • Why should I say “please”? I’m not subservient to him!
  • If he wouldn’t act that way I wouldn’t have to yell. It’s his fault.

What would you think if you heard a man saying:

  • If I don’t yell at her and/or hit her, she doesn’t listen.
  • She should already know that makes me mad. Stupid b—-. It’s her fault I have to act this way.
  • Why should I say “please”? No woman is in charge of me.
  • I’ll say “thank you” when she finally does it right.

Before you say hitting is not the same as yelling, I agree. But yelling also leaves scarWords also hurt. Being angry does not give you an excuse to abuse someone.  What to do instead? Practice thankfulness and kindness even though you don’t feel like it. This is not being dishonest – it’s being a civilized person.

It’s time to rewire your thoughts and your behavior!

  • Say “please” and “thank you”.
  • Be patient. Don’t fly into a rage when things are not to your liking.
  • Never yell.
  • Never call someone a bad name.
  • Think about the other person’s feelings and perceptions as well as your own.
  • Present your requests in a low tone of voice that is not threatening, if possible while smiling.
  • Remember when he does something that makes you angry, he may not be doing it in order to make you angry. It’s just what he does.  You can still work on changing things, but try not to take it personally.
  • Say “thank you” for what he does You don’t have to tolerate bad behavior or abuse. But you will have to tolerate being irritated and even angry. It’s what happens when two different people live in the same house. Learn not to take everything personally and to enjoy the good things in the face of all that is imperfect.
  • Train your focus to practice being thankful and kind, instead of letting anger, frustration, and critical comments get the upper hand. You can, you know.

Everyone – men and women – have to learn to control their tempers and to communicate in a civilized and kind way. It’s more effective, anyway.  When someone is abusive, you don’t want to do what (s)he says. You want to hurt back. When someone is kind, you are much more likely to consider his/her requests.