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Where to Live in a Second Marriage

Second Marriage Fort Worth

Second Marriage Fort WorthIf this is your second marriage, Deciding where to live when you get married again can present a dilemma.

I think one of the reasons for this is because when we think of marriage, we think of the nuclear family. Typically the family would consider the budget, proximity to work and school and whether the house will accommodate family activities – is there a workshop for dad, a backyard where the kids can play, etc. Instead of thinking about the nuclear family, think about the extended family. This is closer to the reality of the second marriage. Often, if there is joint custody of children from the first marriage, the parents must stay in a certain area until the children reach 18. In that case, if one of you got a promotion or transfer, you would have to work out what you would do. One option would be to maintain two households. There are other options as well, but you wouldn’t be able to just pack up the family and move… at least not while the children are under 18. (Just like in a first marriage, life can surprise you!)

Even if there are no children, or they are grown and will not be living with you, it can be difficult to decide where to live. Both of you may be attached to your house or neighborhood. In this situation, you may decide to buy a new house. Often, people do this in an attempt to put the past behind them and start over. Sometimes, however, selling both houses and buying a new one together will not make financial or practical sense. This might be a blessing in disguise, because it will allow you to work on past issues internally (and avoid unnecessary realtor fees!) But wherever you decide to live, your house and your connection to it will change drastically. Either you will be moving into his/her house, or (s)he will be moving into yours…along with all the stuff we humans are so good at accumulating.

So how do you decide? Consider the needs and wants of everyone in the family, and make the best decision you can. If you keep your house, or your spouse’s house, that will change drastically. Stuff will be moving out and people will be moving in (along with their stuff.) Also, even if you can afford to buy a large house to accommodate everyone, it may be a better idea to buy smaller. A smaller house can be easier to maintain. Understand that your life and the lives of everyone connected to you are going to change when you get married. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to keep everyone’s life “the same”. It won’t be. Instead, think about how your house can be a blessing to you and to your extended family.