I have counselled a lot of couples in my time as a therapist. Even after all this time, people can surprise me. A couple may come in with massive problems and issues. Perhaps there has been an affair, or a tragedy, or an affair and a tragedy or multiple tragedies, but that couple will find a way to heal, and make their relationship stronger and better. Another couple may come in who “has it all” but they end up getting divorced or breaking up. Why? It might be because some people actually make the decision to “take themselves on” and really work at their lives. They go through the pain and strain of growing, and of changing. They DECIDE to WORK. That’s the main thing, I think.
Does that mean that there’s something wrong with you if you get divorced? Absolutely not. Sometimes divorce is necessary. I am not trying to make anyone who has been through a divorce feel even worse about it! That takes work too. But I am saying, there is a lot of power in a person’s intention to work, and to deal with things that are not pleasant. That’s very powerful, and I have seen it absolutely change people’s lives – and relationships — for the better.
Are you willing to learn something new? Are you willing to try something different? If so, you stand a much greater chance of success. Realizing we don’t know everything and we always have something to learn no matter how old we are, or how successful we are is so important. To see yourself as someone who is a beginner, who is learning, who needs and accepts help — that makes a big difference too. To be willing is important. And then to realize you have more power than you think. To understand that, in any given situation, it is always your next move.
If you think your marriage is hopeless, it may be far from hopeless. It may just be time to learn something new, and to subject yourself to the sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes exhilarating process of transformation.
