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Hello, extremely productive couples who have very busy schedules! (You know who you are.) It’s hard to keep your marriage in good condition when you “don’t have time”. You may not have time to have a consistent date night, or to spend time together, just the two of you because of work, children, etc. But you’ve got time for this. I call it relationship yoga, because it has several “poses”, and it is easy to follow.

  1. Start with a full body hug. This will calm your nerves and make you feel more connected.
  2. Gaze into each other’s eyes for 5 – 10 seconds.
  3. Kiss for 10-20 seconds.
  4. Say “One thing I love about you is…” Each person takes a turn.
  5. Hug again and say “I love you. I’ll be thinking about you today.”

That’s it. This will only take about 2 minutes if that. Do this in the morning and then maybe again in the evening. You can of course tweak this to your own special needs. The important thing is to take a moment to connect. You don’t need a lot of time, and you don’t need to expend a lot of effort. Relationship yoga (I just made that up in case you’re wondering) is a routine or a ritual you can just follow. Because it’s a ritual, you don’t have to “feel like” doing it to just do it. Don’t get nervous about having to come up with 365 different things you love about each other! You’re allowed to repeat yourself. It’s nice to hear the good stuff every day. Some examples would be “One thing I love about you is your voice, your eyes, your smell, the way you love Christmas, the way you look without your makeup on, your hands, etc. etc.” It really can be anything, big or small.

I still encourage you to spend time together, but there are times in any marriage when it seems almost impossible. Rituals can hold you together and make you feel closer when everything else seems to pull you apart. Develop your own family rituals. Make them easy and pleasurable. You’ve got enough hard stuff to deal with!