“No” is Just the Beginning of an Interesting Conversation

Posted on April 14, 2017 in Life Strategies, Marriage Counseling

Do you get upset when someone disagrees with you? Do you consider it a personal affront when someone argues with you? If so, communication is going to be a bigger problem for you than it has to be. “No” is just the beginning of an interesting conversation. Think about it…how interesting would it be if everyone agreed with everything you said?! There wouldn’t need to be anyone else on this earth except yourself. That’s a bit lonely. And frankly, a bit boring. And also, a bit “one-note”.

Why do we think we need everyone to agree with us? Is it because we don’t totally agree with ourselves? Maybe we think we need the support of others. Yes, it’s nice to be validated and supported. We all need that. But we also need someone to say “No, I disagree. I see things differently. I value things other than what you value. I like things other than what you like. I have a different perspective. That doesn’t mean I don’t like you.  That doesn’t mean I don’t love you. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like to spend the rest of my life with you. It means I am a different creature. I have had different experiences. I am not you. Nothing is wrong with me because I disagree with you. Nothing is wrong with you because you disagree with me.”

Wouldn’t you like to have coffee with this person? I would! My value and perspective doesn’t lose anything because my spouse or friend sees things differently. There doesn’t have to be just one idea, or just one solution. In fact, (dare I say it?), I actually gain from considering an idea other than my very own.

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