You may be worried about your spouse. (S)he doesn’t seem to have many friends. (S)he doesn’t want to go out with your friends. (S)he spends a lot of time by him/herself. (S)he is easily disturbed by noise. (S)he doesn’t like meeting new people. No matter what you do, (s)he just doesn’t seem to be able to have much fun with other people. The more fun you try to make it, the less (s)he seems to enjoy it. Maybe (s)he is anti-social, depressed, or has social anxiety disorder.
Or maybe (s)he is simply an introvert!
There may be nothing wrong whatsoever! We live in a culture which favors extraversion. Not everyone who wants to spend time alone has social anxiety disorder. This is sometimes difficult for an extrovert to understand. They cannot imagine thinking the introvert’s version of fun is really fun, and they often feel sorry for their spouse and try to include him/her in extraverted activities-going to the game, going out with lots of people, etc. If this is you, you are precious for caring about your spouse, and for wanting to help him/her have more fun. However, it may be time for you to step back and appreciate your spouse for the fine qualities (s)he does possess, and stop trying to “fix” him/her. If you would like to learn more about introverts (and extraverts), I recommend reading Susan Cain’s book: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Won’t Stop Talking. Think of it this way: If all of a sudden it was preferable to be quiet and thoughtful, and someone tried to fix you by insisting you spend more time alone, and intimated there might be something wrong with you if you did not enjoy that, you might become concerned that there was something wrong with you, but it is doubtful you would change your personality. Wouldn’t you prefer to be accepted and appreciated for who you are and what you contribute, rather than be forced to change so that you could “fit in” better?
I do not mean to be insensitive to those people who do have social anxiety disorder. I imagine it is a very painful and difficult condition. But I would like to put something on the table: Sometimes I think we pathologize perfectly normal personality traits.