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Maybe Your Spouse Doesn’t Have Attention Deficit Disorder!


You may be starting to wonder if your spouse has a medical condition.

marriage_advice_adhd(S)he can’t seem to finish what (s)he starts; (s)he is easily distracted; (s)he is doing several things all at the same time; (s)he never seems to get tired; it’s hard for him/her to focus and remember, and oh, yeah, (s)he loses stuff all the time. If you had a nickel for every time (s)he couldn’t find his/her keys, you’d be able to retire early. Does (s)he have attention deficit disorder (ADD)? Well, maybe.

But maybe (s)he is a raving extravert; maybe (s)he is a very high energy person; maybe (s)he is trying to do too much, and maybe (s)he is simply a “P” (perceiver) on the Myers Briggs test. Sorry, didn’t mean to confuse you further. If you haven’t ever taken the Myers Briggs test, I would recommend that you both do so. It may put your mind at ease because it is possible you and your spouse just have different personalities. In that case, you can accept your differences, and understand that nothing at all is wrong. You may need to develop strategies for dealing with each other, but no one has a medical condition. I would be happy to administer the test to you and interpret the results for you. You can also just buy the book yourself, and take the test that way. It is probably available online as well.

As I said in my previous post about social anxiety disorder, I wonder sometimes if we don’t pathologize perfectly normal personality traits. There really is a difference between the brain of an introvert and an extravert! Each has something to contribute to society and to each other, so no one is better than the other. However, one may be “better” than the other at a specific skill. If this interests you, read Susan Cain’s book: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Won’t Stop Talking. Extraverts are also featured in the book. Another thing that might be helpful to you is to visit She has developed a system for “sidetracked” people. It also works for “born organized” people.

Lastly, perhaps your spouse is living a life that would cause anyone to fall apart at the seams. If this is the case, is a good place to start to begin simplifying, and getting things under control. Or read one of Elaine St. James’ books on simplifying. As always, I am here for you and would love to talk with you if you need to make an appointment.