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Marriage is Difficult. Duh!

Do not believe all the hype about finding your soulmate. When you say “I do”, your soulmate suddenly and inexplicably cannot understand a single thing you say. It reminds me of a t-shirt I saw which reads “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.” When you feel lonely as a single person, it is hard, I know. When you feel lonely as a married person, it is soul-crushing. That is the loneliest lonely, I think.

Marriage doesn’t make a lot of sense. You enter into this contract in which you are going to stay with someone “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live.” Who would do that? And in front of witnesses?!

But marriage makes its own kind of sense. It has its own agenda. It takes whatever is left in you of immaturity, and selfishness, beats you over the head with it, and grows you into the person you are meant to be. Marriage is a creative enterprise. It’s not constructive, it’s creative. Those are two very different things. A thing created is miraculous. That’s you! While you are constructing your life together, and then reconstructing, YOU are being created and recreated. I’m sorry – a trip to Disneyland just won’t change your life like a good hard marriage will. Of course you want relief from the awfulness of it all. You’re only human. But do not abandon hope. And please don’t get rid of one spouse only to find another (equally defective!) one. It’s tempting. Just don’t do it. Life was not meant to be easy. It was meant to be a work of beauty. Beauty doesn’t just happen, you know. True love is not about moving to a small town, opening up a cupcake shop, garnering everyone’s support and being happy. (Yes, I am ranting about the Hallmark channel.) True love is about doing what is necessary, and then doing what you can, and then doing the impossible!

Yes, marriage is very often impossible. AND, by doing impossible things, you are changed into a thing of beauty.