Is Your Husband Promising to Change Now That You Are Divorcing Him?

You finally got tired of trying to fix your marriage, and you filed for divorce.

Now your husband is frantically trying to change to get you to stay. First of all, you are furious and I’m surprised you are even reading this, because you have firmly shut the door to your marriage. But if you’ve read this far, please read on. A dead dream of yours may be rising from the ashes.

I want you to know that husbands really do change. People say they don’t, but they do. I have seen it happen many times. And it is a lasting change. I am not asking you to forgive him, or take him back – yet. You are angry, and I certainly understand why. You have tried everything to get his attention, and to communicate with him. You have been honest, and open, and he hasn’t done his part. In fact, he may have behaved very, very badly. Now that you are leaving, he is suddenly listening, and trying to participate in your marriage. How can you trust someone who won’t listen unless you file for divorce? I am just putting something on the table – husbands really can change.

If you are still reading this, I commend you. It is not easy to read about this when you are angry or in extreme pain. But I would like to try to explain something you may not have thought about. Filing for divorce is an action. That’s what got your husband’s attention. You are good at listening, and showing you care. His language is the language of action. No, it isn’t fair that the wife is the one who has to learn to be “bilingual”. Scientists are now proving what people have been observing for quite some time – the male brain really is different. He is not very good at interpreting facial expressions, and he is not as verbal. This is true even if your husband makes a living being a counselor, or pastor, or language arts teacher, or some other profession that requires skill interpreting emotions and listening. He comes home, and he’s “clueless”. I do not mean to be offensive, but I am trying to show you it’s not just your husband – it’s all husbands. It would be a lot easier to be married if your husband were more like your girlfriends.

So now that you don’t care about your marriage anymore, he does! He is promising to do anything to keep you. He means it. You accidentally got his attention when you didn’t want it but, if he changes, you’ll get a new husband, and you won’t have to go through the pain of divorce. And now that you understand that you can use action to communicate, your marriage will be completely different. (Actions do not have to be radical and painful to be heard. They can be very easy for you and much less frustrating than talking and hoping he understands. You will not have to threaten divorce every time you need to get his attention.)

You can always get divorced. For the sake of your own future happiness, open the door just a crack and see if he really does mean it. (He does.)