From the introduction of How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money
by Lynn Busch & Courtney Henderson
There are some couples in this world that can easily discuss money issues together, but as Lynn likes to say they are “statistically insignificant”. The rest of us have figured out that discussing money with our spouses is touchy at best and disastrous at worst. We have all heard that money is one of the causes of almost every divorce in America, so it makes sense for you and your spouse to develop a safe structure for dealing with money together. The alternative is to not discuss it at all.
There are certain principles and strategies for talking about money that do work and will move you from an antagonistic situation to being able to work together as a team.
This is not an easy task, but it is worthwhile and very rewarding. Several of the books we have read on this subject seem to indicate that if you will just set aside an entire weekend together and fill out charts, you will come away with a retirement plan, a spending plan, and a college education fund for your children on which you can both agree. Also, you will have a mission statement written for how you want to live the rest of your life. Pus, your marriage will be strengthened since you spent and entire weekend together and worked as a team. This may work for some people, but for most people, it’s just not that easy or straightforward.
Why is talking about money so hard? Money brings up survival issues that cause people to face off and go to war. Money is a psychic carrier for all kinds of other deep-seated psychological pain and struggle. It is also a carrier of the values you and your spouse learned from your families of origin. There is almost always an inherent conflict between the value of the two families. Dealing with your money will help loosen and bring to light some of these hidden struggles. Contrary to our fears, bringing the struggle out into the open with your spouse does not increase your chances for divorce. Dealing with issues consciously is a security measure that will help protect your marriage. Just because something is hidden doesn’t mean it isn’t there and won’t reach up and bit you when you least expect it.
Treating money as a maintenance and security issue is not very exciting, but it can be rewarding – and the difference between having a wonderful life, and just trying to avoid the skirmish waiting around the corner.
Check out Lynn & Courtney’s book How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money on Amazon Kindle to discover the principles and strategies you will need to talk to your spouse successfully about money!