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How to know if your marriage is worth saving

If you are reading this, you are probably wondering if your marriage is worth saving.

I think there is hope for your marriage. As a marriage and family therapist, I have worked with many couples who have recovered from serious issues such as infidelity, addictions, despair, hopelessness, and not being in love any longer.

I have seen many marriages heal when only one person comes to counseling. Here’s the thing: something brought you together in the first place. That special something is still there, even if it is hidden. If you are worn out and in despair about your marriage, stop working so hard. It’s time to take a deep breath and develop some new skills. These are skills you didn’t learn in school, and I’m willing to bet you didn’t learn them from your parents, either.

Having a good marriage is a learned and developed skill – it doesn’t just happen.

You don’t go to the gym and sit around looking at the machines, hoping to get fit. You’ve got to learn how the machines work, and then spend some time on them to see the results. Just like with anything, there are principles in operation in marriages and relationships, and there are things you can do to feed your marriage. You can learn how to develop common goals. You can learn to be kind to each other. You can learn to value and appreciate the differences in each other. (If you were married to your clone, it would be easier, but one of you wouldn’t be necessary!) And you can learn to forgive and be healed.

If you do not want to go to a counselor, there are many excellent books you can read. There are online programs about how to improve your marriage. The point is there are resources for you that will help.

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love and having a healthy relationship requires all of us to learn new skills and to spend time practicing them.