You’ve ended a bad relationship, and now you’re older and wiser. But how do you avoid making the same mistake again?
First of all, stop beating yourself up. It happens to most of us. If you’re ready to move on, here are some ways to protect yourself in the future.
- Know Who You Are
We learn about ourselves through relationships with others, but we can also develop a relationship with ourselves. Treat yourself with kindness and curiosity. Enjoy spending time alone. “To thine own self be true,” and to do this, get to know yourself. It will help you for the rest of your life.
- Understand That You Are Not a Failure If You End a Relationship
Relationships either end in a breakup or marriage, and most of the time, they end in a breakup. It’s not fun, but neither is marriage half the time! This isn’t to discourage you from finding your happily ever after, but it’s important to understand the reality. Hardly anyone finds their true love right away. Be willing to end a relationship if it isn’t right for you. Ending things doesn’t mean anyone is “less than.” You can end things with integrity, gentleness, and respect for yourself and the other person.
- Ask Yourself: Would You Want This Person to Be the Parent of Your Child?
Would you feel safe leaving a young child in this person’s care? This question addresses the character of the person. If you don’t like this question, think of another one that works for you. The point is to evaluate their character. If he gets drunk three times a week, the answer is no. If she has a nervous breakdown every other date, the answer is no. From your last bad relationship, you learned there are some real humdingers out there who can look wonderful at first. If your prospective partner doesn’t pass the acid test and you decide to proceed anyway, at least you’re going into it with open eyes. Evaluating someone is different from judging them. You can bless the person and even be friends, but that doesn’t mean you have to commit to them.
- Take Your Time
Don’t rush. You can’t find out everything about someone in three dates. Sometimes you can, but more often than not, it’s a process.