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Thanks for reading this post. If you are a woman, please be aware that I am going to talk to your man like I would if I was speaking with him without you in the room. I am not trying to be insulting to you. I am connecting with his male brain. Ain’t nothing wrong with that if it doesn’t bother him. So, if it bothers you, I warned you. This post is not for you. It’s for him. 

Ahem. I am willing to bet that you have communication issues with your wife/partner/girlfriend. And try as you might, you just don’t get it. You are exhausted from listening to her talk for hours for no apparent reason. And you don’t understand why she is so angry with you. I bet you’ve heard that she doesn’t “feel heard” at least once if not more. You love her. Why can’t she just be happy? Why does she have to complicate everything? How long do you have to listen to her talk about something with no apparent point? I mean, if she was discussing how to program the TV after a thunderstorm, at least that would make sense.

Talking is how she relates to you. It’s how she interacts with you. There is no point. The point is to connect with you. Sure, she may share problems at work or with her friends and family. But the main reason she is talking to you for hours is that she wants your attention. And she doesn’t feel like she’s getting it based on the blank look on your face, so she keeps trying. So, what do you do?  

Well, you know how when your five year old starts talking about what the purple dinosaur did today, or what his favorite video game is about, and you have NO IDEA what he is going on about, because frankly, he doesn’t make a lot of sense, but he wants to tell you all about it? What do you do? Do you demand that he makes sense to you? Or do you give him a big smile and twinkle, and say “Is that so? Hey, that’s cool!” And you are HAPPY that he is talking to you because YOU LOVE HIM and it’s not about the purple dinosaur, or understanding his favorite video game – it’s about connecting with your kid!

Do that with your wife/partner/girlfriend. That’s it. That’s the strategy that will change your life. Look at her. Twinkle. Give her your attention. She is interacting with you. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE. You don’t have to be afraid of not understanding her. You just have to convey to her that YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HER. She doesn’t really care if you are interested in WHAT SHE IS SAYING. She wants you to be interested IN HER. Talking is her way of relating to you. BE HAPPY SHE IS TALKING TO YOU! Talk back. And don’t forget to twinkle.  

P.S.  If she’s yelling or screaming, don’t twinkle.