Whether you are divorced or thinking about divorce, you are probably feeling pain, anxiety, and disappointment. You planned for a loving relationship as emotionally strong as it was before and on your wedding day. You committed yourself to a life-long relationship, set your life’s plans, aspirations, and commitments based on the two of you. You are heartbroken that it’s not going the way you assumed. You don’t have to go it alone. I’ll help you work through your issues and teach you how to see there’s life after divorce, a life of peace and confidence.
I understand, you’re navigating uncharted territory. All you see are major disruptions: in your relationships with friends, family and extended family, your home life, maybe possibly your career. You are experiencing new responsibilities and an uncertain future. How will you live without your partner? Will you ever meet someone new or will you be alone for the rest of your life? Venturing out into the unknown may even feel worse than the pain of the breakup itself and the unhappy relationship it created.
As difficult or impossible as it seems, know that you can and will move on, that wounds will eventually heal. Allow yourself the time to let this happen. Don’t expect to wake up one day and find that you are over the relationship and wholly healed. Be patient.
Don’t beat yourself up. You’re not weak because you’re in pain. You’re going through a natural process, the grieving of a loss: loss of companionship, financial, social and emotional support, hopes, dreams, and plans.
Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.
Know the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression. With each day you move into a more positive frame of mind. If you don’t feel any forward momentum, you may be suffering from depression. I can help you out of this sometimes paralyzing mindset.
As difficult as it may be, try to talk about your feelings with others. When people are aware of your situation and hear you discuss it with them you will feel less alone and you and others can help in your healing process. Talking also helps vent your pent-up feelings. Like steam in a tea kettle, it needs to be released. Be sure to vent only to those who you know or sense will be understanding and affirming.
Expressing your feelings will be liberating but it can also keep you stuck on negative feelings. There’s a delicate balance. Getting stuck feeling anger or resentment will take some of the energy away from your healing and forward movement. Eventually, new hopes and dreams will replace your old ones.