Emotional Challenges

Wrong Belief # 7: If I forgive someone it means I condone their behavior

by Lynn Busch

If I forgive someone, does it mean I condone their behavior? Or that I trust that person and want to be friends with him/her, and that our relationship is healed. No, it doesn’t mean any of these things. Forgiveness is a completely separate issue. Sometimes you can repair a relationship, and sometimes you can’t. But you can forgive someone… for your own sake, not anyone… Read More »Wrong Belief # 7: If I forgive someone it means I condone their behavior

When Your Feelings Are Hurt

by Lynn Busch Counseling

We have been told to tell the person who hurt our feelings all about it. We have been told that it’s their job to apologize for hurting our feelings, and they should care that they hurt our feelings, and they should show us they are really sorry, and do things to repair our relationship. There’s just one problem—this almost never works. Why? Most of the… Read More »When Your Feelings Are Hurt

Make Peace with Anxiety

by Lynn Busch

We all want peace, especially when we are plagued by anxiety. When that happens, it is tempting to think peace is the absence of anxiety. That peace would be how we felt if we weren’t afraid to leave our house, or pay our bills, or get on the airplane, etc. (By the way, I’m just randomly picking examples of what could cause anxiety. If this… Read More »Make Peace with Anxiety

One Way to Deal with a Difficult Situation

by Lynn Busch

There are, of course, many ways to deal with situations, difficult or not. This is only one way. First, think of a difficult situation. Write it down. An example would be that your child is not unloading the dishwasher, and it is creating a logjam in the kitchen, which frays your nerves and impacts your schedule. Or perhaps your spouse is a grump or a… Read More »One Way to Deal with a Difficult Situation

How Do You Battle Depression and Anxiety?

by Lynn Busch

I heard the other day that if you are depressed, you are thinking about the past, and if you are anxious, you are thinking about the future. Many times, that is true. So, what do you do if you find yourself battling depression and or anxiety? One thing I tell my clients is that the amount of stress you will experience in your life is… Read More »How Do You Battle Depression and Anxiety?

A Simple Way to Banish Anxiety

by Lynn Busch

We live in a society that is increasingly reactionary. We are encouraged to have strong, intense opinions and to defend what is “right”. We live in a society that has become polarized, and in which we must “pick sides”. We live in a society that values making quick decisions and rushing into action. Our news programs are often round tables in which people interrupt each… Read More »A Simple Way to Banish Anxiety

Forgiveness is Like Saying Goodbye to an Ugly Purse

by Lynn Busch

Or for you people who don’t carry purses, it could be like saying goodbye to an old, ugly, uncomfortable pair of shoes. Allow me to explore the purse analogy for a bit. I can choose to keep the purse, maybe because it was expensive, maybe because it was a gift, maybe just out of duty and frugality…if I get rid of it, then I’ll have… Read More »Forgiveness is Like Saying Goodbye to an Ugly Purse

The Fastest Way to Reduce Your Anxiety

by Lynn Busch

This advice goes against the grain of our entire society, but it is guaranteed to help you reduce your anxiety in record time. Stop trying to make yourself happy. That’s it. Just quit the job of trying to create a life that you like. Don’t ask yourself if you are happy. Don’t ask yourself if you like something or don’t like it. Take whether or… Read More »The Fastest Way to Reduce Your Anxiety

One Way to Reduce Your Anxiety

by Lynn Busch

Looking for a way to reduce your anxiety? Limit your choices! You may not realize that the myriad of choices you face every day increases your anxiety level. Most people don’t like thinking about limiting their choices. They feel it is a sort of deprivation. But experiment with limiting your choices and see if you don’t feel calmer. Here are some ways to get you started…… Read More »One Way to Reduce Your Anxiety

You may be worried about your spouse. (S)he doesn’t seem to have many friends. (S)he doesn’t want to go out with your friends. (S)he spends a lot of time by him/herself. (S)he is easily disturbed by noise. (S)he doesn’t like meeting new people. No matter what you do, (s)he just doesn’t seem to be able to have much fun with other people. The more fun you try to make it, the less (s)he seems to enjoy it. Maybe (s)he is anti-social, depressed, or has social anxiety disorder. Or maybe (s)he is simply an introvert! There may be nothing wrong whatsoever! We live in a culture which favors extraversion. Not everyone who wants to spend time alone has social anxiety disorder. This is sometimes difficult for an extrovert to understand. They cannot imagine thinking the introvert’s version of fun is really fun, and they often feel sorry for their spouse and try to include him/her in extraverted activities-going to the game, going out with lots of people, etc. If this is you, you are precious for caring about your spouse, and for wanting to help him/her have more fun. However, it may be time for you to step back and appreciate your spouse for the fine qualities (s)he does possess, and stop trying to “fix” him/her. If you would like to learn more about introverts (and extraverts), I recommend reading Susan Cain’s book: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Won’t Stop Talking. Think of it this way: If all of a sudden it was preferable to be quiet and thoughtful, and someone tried to fix you by insisting you spend more time alone, and intimated there might be something wrong with you if you did not enjoy that, you might become concerned that there was something wrong with you, but it is doubtful you would change your personality. Wouldn’t you prefer to be accepted and appreciated for who you are and what you contribute, rather than be forced to change so that you could “fit in” better? I do not mean to be insensitive to those people who do have social anxiety disorder. I imagine it is a very painful and difficult condition. But I would like to put something on the table: Sometimes I think we pathologize perfectly normal personality traits.

Maybe Your Spouse Doesn’t Have a Social Anxiety Disorder!

by Lynn Busch

You may be worried about your spouse. (S)he doesn’t seem to have many friends. (S)he doesn’t want to go out with your friends. (S)he spends a lot of time by him/herself. (S)he is easily disturbed by noise. (S)he doesn’t like meeting new people. No matter what you do, (s)he just doesn’t seem to be able to have much fun with other people. The more fun… Read More »Maybe Your Spouse Doesn’t Have a Social Anxiety Disorder!