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30 Ways to Ruin Your Marriage

Follow these instructions to the letter and see what happens to your marriage.

  1. Complain constantly.
  2. Tell your spouse everything that bothers you about them.
  3. Be sure to repeat yourself often, as you know your spouse can’t remember what you said even 30 minutes ago.
  4. If anything goes wrong, be sure to blame the other person.
  5. Spend all of your free time on your phone and other electronic devices.
  6. Check Social Media constantly.
  7. Be sure never to forgive your spouse, especially since you would never have done…, and also, you have certainly never done anything you regret.
  8. Text everyone you know when you should to be paying attention to your spouse.
  9. Tell all your friends everything you don’t like about your spouse.
  10. Berate your spouse in front of others.
  11. Make sure 80% of what you say is critical.
  12. If your spouse gets over 20% of encouragement, they just quit trying.
  13. Frequently remind your spouse that they are there primarily to please you.
  14. Quit doing the dishes and the laundry. You don’t have time for that.
  15. Never be satisfied with your house, spouse, children, family or friends. They need to try harder.
  16. Don’t forget to have a fit every chance you get. Throw in lots of drama. Otherwise, you get taken for granted.
  17. Spend money lavishly and rack up more debt to get what you deserve. (Your spouse really needs to make more money.)
  18. When your house can’t hold any more stuff, buy a bigger house, and don’t forget the storage unit!
  19. Worry and complain about money constantly.
  20. Go out with your friends to a bar a couple of nights a week and spend at least $50 on drinks. Risk getting a DWI on the way home.
  21. Constantly complain about your spouse’s physical appearance and how they are not taking care of themselves.
  22. Don’t bother with your appearance or even changing out of your pajamas or brushing your hair before you go to the grocery store.
  23. Demand to be treated as you deserve on your special day–birthdays, Christmas, your anniversary, etc.
  24. Demand your spouse buy you expensive gifts such as jewelry and new cars.
  25. Demand your spouse spend more time with the children, especially if their job requires most of their time. If they really wanted to, they could just stop sleeping and make up the time difference that way.
  26. When you are having an argument, be sure to bring up everything your spouse has done in the past that you haven’t appreciated, as they have probably forgotten all about that and they need to be reminded. Otherwise, they might think you have actually forgiven them.
  27. Make sure your spouse knows you didn’t sign up for this and you don’t deserve this.
  28. If none of this works, have an affair, and blame your spouse.
  29. Withhold sex and intimacy.
  30. If your spouse still does not change to suit you, get a divorce. Remarry. Start all over again.

If you’ve tried any or all of the above and it’s not working out, give me a call.