It takes a lot to keep a marriage strong. Here are some suggestions that will help you show your spouse how much (s)he means to you.
- Text someone while your spouse is talking to you.
- Greet the dog and your kids before you say hello to your spouse when you get home.
- Don’t bother saying hello or hugging your spouse when he comes home; you could just yell from the other room that the trash needs to be taken out, and did he remember to bring the milk home from the grocery store.
- Roll your eyes when he says something you think is stupid.
- Interrupt her to ask a question completely unrelated to what she’s talking about.
- Lean your head back with your eyes closed while she is talking. If you explain that you are just resting your eyes, it won’t look like you’re not listening.
- When you say his name, make sure you do so in an exasperated tone of voice.
- When you feel rejected because she doesn’t want to have sex with you, intimidate her and let her know you are really angry with her.
- Don’t forget to check your email during foreplay.
- Avoid your spouse by spending hours on FaceBook.
- Try to begin most of your sentences with “You always”, or “You never”.
- Make sure the gas is almost empty when you bring the car home so she will have to fill it up first thing.
- Sigh loudly in front of others when he tells a story you’ve heard before.
- Ogle other women in her presence.
- Act like you are disappointed and angry with him all the time.
- Yell at her when she does something you don’t like.
- Remember to insult each other, blame each other, and call each other names.
- If none of these suggestions work, ignore each other whenever possible.
NOT!